On Writing Book #3: For the Love of Women

A bit of the backstory and book giveaway!

Feb 19, 2025

Two weeks ago, I handed in the manuscript for my third book, For the Love of Women: Uprooting and Healing Misogyny in America (published by Harper-Collins, Oct. 2025). This was the most difficult, exhausting, demanding professional project I have ever worked on. And I’m by no means done.

Writing a book is not for the faint of heart. Even more so if your subject matter is a potentially polarizing topic, like misogyny. Over the past two years, many friends have told me that I must be either brave or crazy to tackle this subject. (I didn’t necessarily feel brave as I was creating it but now that launch is only eight months out, I’m beginning to feel much less so. I did ponder my sanity at various junctures.)

Creating tends to be hard, lonely work. That’s true whether you’re painting a canvas, designing a house, or writing a book. One of the big differences with the latter is that unless you’re co-authoring, books are written in isolation, over the course of many months, with little to no input or direct oversight. The freedom and lack of accountability can feel terrifying on the days when I feel unmoored or unmotivated. And believe me, those days did come.

I realize everyone’s process is different but for me, creating is about paying attention and responding. I’m an observer. I’m always watching, listening, reading, taking in data points. When I have enough clarity, I start collating and synthesizing all these pieces of information.

Step number one is coming up with a vague outline. The topics I want to cover become the chapters. Then I typically break that topic into smaller bites by writing down more specifics on 4X6 cards which I spread over our dining room table.

It’s truly a big puzzle with no photo to guide me. Next, I use a large pad to further organize my thoughts into specific chapter subheads. (You can see the progress from note cards to newsprint for the government chapter.) By this point, I’m ready to create a more detailed chapter outline and start writing.

It generally takes me a three to four weeks to write a first draft and revise each chapter. (Roughly 6,000 words). This book required a ton of research so certain chapters took a bit longer. As soon as the first draft is done, I immediately go back to the beginning and start rewriting. My process is VERY slow. I have friends who are able to crank out 60,000 word books in four to five months. Maybe I’ll get quicker the more I do this but I doubt it. I’m a plodder.

I love it when I’m in the middle of a project like this and a news article or movie comes along that validates a hunch or fills in a gap. (Barbie!! ) This always feels like affirmation to keep going. Friends who knew what I was doing consistently sent me articles or podcasts which was also super helpful.

For the longest time I could not figure out how to end this book. I knew the endings for my first two books long before I started the final chapter. Not so this time. Then my husband finished Viktor Frankl’s brutal memoir, Man’s Search for Meaning and suggested I give it a read. After eighteen months of researching misogyny, I was not terribly excited to hear about Frankl’s experience during the Holocaust. But when I got to the final page, I knew he had just given me exactly what I needed for my last paragraph. I felt a bit giddy.

Creating is not only brave and crazy—it’s risky, vulnerable, and humbling. Others many not like or disagree with our final product and may take great pleasure in panning it publicly or trying to cancel us. We might offend people we care about. In my previous book (Marriage in the Middle), I wrote a short beat admonishing men to control their sexual impulses and never blame any bad behavior on women. It felt like such an obvious point to me that perhaps I didn’t nuance it as much as I should have. Several folks took offense and my husband and I not only lost a long-standing ministry opportunity, but strained a few friendships. In our current sociopolitical climate, challenging deeply embedded biases and patriarchal narratives tends not to go over well. (Heads up: expect more of this in For the Love of Women.)

Because I do not have a PhD and have not spent thirty years writing about one specific topic, there’s a risk that I will not get everything right. For the Love of Women is a particularly ambitious project. I cover how misogyny shows up in healthcare, the workplace, the government, media and entertainment, personal relationships, and the church. Even after reading more than 100 books and interviewing dozens of people, I might mangle or misinterpret something. This literally keeps me up at night.

(The above photo represents about half of the books I read while doing research. Friends, can you spot yours in there?)

So why do it? Why create? Why write books, especially ones on controversial topics? If you don’t consider yourself a spiritual person, my explanation might not make sense. I have felt called to write each of these books. It’s as if God offers me an invitation to collaborate: Here’s an idea. Want to work with me? No big deal if you don’t. I’ll ask around. There’s a tugging, a sense that if I say no, or ignore the invite, I’ll miss out. So three times now, I’ve said yes. Three times I’ve sequestered myself in my little office, tried to be still and listen. I’ve wrangled ideas and words for months on end and consumed way too much dark chocolate in the process.

My hope is that I’ll say something useful and creating something beautiful.

You’ll have to let me know how I’ve done.

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