You captured it perfectly with this: “In such situations, the husband has already undermined the possibility of unity by valuing his thoughts and opinions over hers and seeking to dominate her.” And it continues to boggle my mind to know that people in this day and age have spoken publicly against a woman’s right to vote at all. 😳
I used to advise people that politics wasn't too important in a relationship. But it's gotten to the point I think having a spouse on the other side of the divide is just too big a values gap right now. We aren't talking about two people with a different idea on tax policy or whatever anymore.
If you already married with kids this is complicated, but if you still considering someone I would just avoid anyone who doesn't share your politics broadly.
“The right to cast a secret ballot in a public election is a core value in the United States’ system of self-governance. Secrecy and privacy in elections guard against coercion and are essential to integrity in the electoral process. Secrecy of the ballot is guaranteed in state constitutions and statutes nationwide.”
All US citizens have the right and prerogative to keep their vote a secret. The exception I found when reading further is in cases where a voter might have a disability (such as blindness) and if they need assistance. No American should feel intimidated or threatened in any way, by peer pressure, party loyalty, or under duress, to vote a certain way.
Many couples disagree with each other on politics sometimes - I know several - while they might agree on many other very important things and can still have a strong marriage that greatly honors God.
I think the ad you reference in the beginning of the article is a REALLY great idea for an ad. But to be fair, I felt that the winking and smiling between the wife characters does imply a twinge of deceit against the husband characters. I wish the director of the ad didn’t have the actresses in the ad do that. They’re just adding something totally unnecessary. These gestures are triggering and can be seen as promoting division in marriage. I do see that and get that. And I get that some wives are really worried what will happen if they don’t vote the same way their husbands do, even if just this one time. They might worry that it displeases God, whether or not their husbands are controlling - they just wish they could be unified as a couple on this issue. This is a tough moment for them. I really empathize with that sentiment. It’s not simple or “wink-wink.” They may be thinking, “Well, maybe you (Julia Roberts) don’t have to deal with total fallout of your family after a vote, but if I got found out, I would have to.” So while the message of the ad was meant to be helpful, I wish it had a more respectful and nuanced tone for its target audience.
Thank you so much for this important piece, Dorothy.
Thanks for reading Deidre. If the wink hadn't been there, would the ad have bothered you less? In my original FB post on this, I mentioned that I don't condone lying to your spouse. Then a wise reader commented and reminded me that some spouses may need to lie to be safe. Truth telling can be dangerous in abusive marriages/relationships. This comment caused me to see the ad from a different POV.
So true, and well put. In watching it again 2x, I see it is an expression of solidarity using their eyes and smiling, but not an actual wink, so I’m sorry for mistaking that. I was saying how I could see how the ad implied a twinge of deceit. But realize that some have to lie in order to try to stay as safe as possible.💔
You captured it perfectly with this: “In such situations, the husband has already undermined the possibility of unity by valuing his thoughts and opinions over hers and seeking to dominate her.” And it continues to boggle my mind to know that people in this day and age have spoken publicly against a woman’s right to vote at all. 😳
Right? How are we still here? Haven't we as women proved our capacities again and again?
I used to advise people that politics wasn't too important in a relationship. But it's gotten to the point I think having a spouse on the other side of the divide is just too big a values gap right now. We aren't talking about two people with a different idea on tax policy or whatever anymore.
If you already married with kids this is complicated, but if you still considering someone I would just avoid anyone who doesn't share your politics broadly.
I agree with you. I can't imagine how difficult it would be, though perhaps in a solid marriage, it would help bridge the gap?
Imagine going through covid on the opposite side of the divide. With kids. I saw it and it was awful.
From the Verified Voting Foundation:
“The right to cast a secret ballot in a public election is a core value in the United States’ system of self-governance. Secrecy and privacy in elections guard against coercion and are essential to integrity in the electoral process. Secrecy of the ballot is guaranteed in state constitutions and statutes nationwide.”
All US citizens have the right and prerogative to keep their vote a secret. The exception I found when reading further is in cases where a voter might have a disability (such as blindness) and if they need assistance. No American should feel intimidated or threatened in any way, by peer pressure, party loyalty, or under duress, to vote a certain way.
Many couples disagree with each other on politics sometimes - I know several - while they might agree on many other very important things and can still have a strong marriage that greatly honors God.
I think the ad you reference in the beginning of the article is a REALLY great idea for an ad. But to be fair, I felt that the winking and smiling between the wife characters does imply a twinge of deceit against the husband characters. I wish the director of the ad didn’t have the actresses in the ad do that. They’re just adding something totally unnecessary. These gestures are triggering and can be seen as promoting division in marriage. I do see that and get that. And I get that some wives are really worried what will happen if they don’t vote the same way their husbands do, even if just this one time. They might worry that it displeases God, whether or not their husbands are controlling - they just wish they could be unified as a couple on this issue. This is a tough moment for them. I really empathize with that sentiment. It’s not simple or “wink-wink.” They may be thinking, “Well, maybe you (Julia Roberts) don’t have to deal with total fallout of your family after a vote, but if I got found out, I would have to.” So while the message of the ad was meant to be helpful, I wish it had a more respectful and nuanced tone for its target audience.
Thank you so much for this important piece, Dorothy.
Thanks for reading Deidre. If the wink hadn't been there, would the ad have bothered you less? In my original FB post on this, I mentioned that I don't condone lying to your spouse. Then a wise reader commented and reminded me that some spouses may need to lie to be safe. Truth telling can be dangerous in abusive marriages/relationships. This comment caused me to see the ad from a different POV.
So true, and well put. In watching it again 2x, I see it is an expression of solidarity using their eyes and smiling, but not an actual wink, so I’m sorry for mistaking that. I was saying how I could see how the ad implied a twinge of deceit. But realize that some have to lie in order to try to stay as safe as possible.💔
Tragically. I so wish this was not true. Men's outrage about women voting is staggering to me.