I actually think I qualify as one of those husbands who does proactively wash dishes, dry and put them away: because I do almost half the cooking and I too like a clean kitchen before bed! However I notice that no bathroom ever looks to me like it needs cleaning so it is my wife who takes on that chore (quietly, with no "nagging" of me). I have noticed it, however, and take on some chores, like trash and dishes, because I seek the "hero" role to my wife. In our lives, there are no dragons to fight or hordes to subdue, so being a hero to my wife is in part by seeking to serve her in quiet ways the way she serves me in quiet ways.
I say this because I too am aware of the "nag" and my knee-jerk response to it. She will remind me it is time to get a hair cut and I want to say, "Well, not for another week, now, unless you mention it again in which case it will be further postponed." We have come to terms with this, but I do understand my male nature's need for autonomy, not to feel like I am being directed by my "boss". There is nothing particularly Christian or godly in this response, and it is being sanctified out of me (I believe), but I understand the fundamental male desire not to be bossed around by anyone, even a wife. I wonder if this issue is because the fundamental nature of the partnership between the spouses in a marriage has not been clarified in advance: this is your domain, this is mine; you will take care of these things, I will take care of these things, and this other list is things we both work on. Dorothy, I am sure that Christopher, knowing your need for greater order in your world, has made concessions to his comfort with chaos by meeting you half way. This took one (or many) conversations to get to. Afterwards, the reminder of the agreement you have both made is not (necessarily) nagging, it is "spurring one another on" to love toward each other.
Thank you for writing this. I really appreciate the chance to see my wife's reminders in this favorable way.
These are excellent observations, Dorothy! Thank you!
I appreciate your insights and how your work makes me think. Thank you, Dorothy.
I actually think I qualify as one of those husbands who does proactively wash dishes, dry and put them away: because I do almost half the cooking and I too like a clean kitchen before bed! However I notice that no bathroom ever looks to me like it needs cleaning so it is my wife who takes on that chore (quietly, with no "nagging" of me). I have noticed it, however, and take on some chores, like trash and dishes, because I seek the "hero" role to my wife. In our lives, there are no dragons to fight or hordes to subdue, so being a hero to my wife is in part by seeking to serve her in quiet ways the way she serves me in quiet ways.
I say this because I too am aware of the "nag" and my knee-jerk response to it. She will remind me it is time to get a hair cut and I want to say, "Well, not for another week, now, unless you mention it again in which case it will be further postponed." We have come to terms with this, but I do understand my male nature's need for autonomy, not to feel like I am being directed by my "boss". There is nothing particularly Christian or godly in this response, and it is being sanctified out of me (I believe), but I understand the fundamental male desire not to be bossed around by anyone, even a wife. I wonder if this issue is because the fundamental nature of the partnership between the spouses in a marriage has not been clarified in advance: this is your domain, this is mine; you will take care of these things, I will take care of these things, and this other list is things we both work on. Dorothy, I am sure that Christopher, knowing your need for greater order in your world, has made concessions to his comfort with chaos by meeting you half way. This took one (or many) conversations to get to. Afterwards, the reminder of the agreement you have both made is not (necessarily) nagging, it is "spurring one another on" to love toward each other.
Thank you for writing this. I really appreciate the chance to see my wife's reminders in this favorable way.